Marriage is one of the oldest institutions in human history, with the earliest recorded evidence dating to 2350 BC. These earliest marriages were more practical, often involving family alliances, property rights, and inheritance. Romantic love took over “the lead” long ago, with even our traditional vows we use today deriving from ceremonies initiated and formalized hundreds of years ago.
While secular marriage can be a quick process, the wedding chapels of Las Vegas come to mind, the Catholic Church highly values the institution and sacrament. It views marriage preparation within the Church with the seriousness a lifelong commitment demands. One of the most essential components of the Church’s marriage preparation process is the use of ‘mentor couples,’ who provide perspective and practical support to couples considering marriage in the Catholic Church.
The marriage preparation process at St. Francis, based on the Diocese of Raleigh’s model, includes several steps over the year leading up to the ceremony. An inquiry form on the parish website initiates the process, and a follow-up phone call with the bride and groom documents the couple’s wishes for their union at the parish. An orientation session is scheduled to explain the process and answer any questions. The ‘Fully Engaged” inventory follows. The inventory is not a test but a survey of values to help the couple identify strengths and areas for growth in their relationship. The mentor couple is engaged with the couple at this point, about 6 months before the wedding.
The engaged couple will meet with the mentor couple two to three times to review the inventory and to discuss marriage in general. Of course, it is one couple’s perspective, but the trained mentors are informative on their experience and the entire process. Jim Wahl, the Director of Music and Liturgy at St. Francis, says of these sessions, “There’s an emotional investment as well from both couples. You’re meeting with strangers, and they’re discussing your marriage in depth. I’m sure some engaged couples can have a lot of questions about marriage; it can be a spotlight on your marriage and a reflective process for the mentor couples as well.”
A marriage preparation workshop takes place 5-6 months before the wedding, with the opportunity to speak with your betrothed about what you have learned and to prepare for the big day. This workshop is currently a virtual session at St. Francis, or you can register online to attend a Diocesan workshop. The ‘documentation meeting’ is held around the same timeframe. “A primary part of the documentation meeting is the legality of marriage, according to the Church and Canon Law,” says Jim Wahl. This meeting is also where you can meet with the priest and discuss and finalize the ceremony details.
All of this leads to the actual music planning, meeting with the parish wedding coordinator, and the wedding rehearsal the day before the ceremony. Then the big day arrives, with all the joy and happiness of celebrating your union with friends and family present in the Church; the joining of hearts and families.
The Marriage Prep Ministry is always seeking married couples willing to share their wisdom with engaged parishioners to help ensure a strong start to their lives together. If you are interested in serving as a mentor couple, facilitating wedding orientation sessions, or helping out with the ceremony as a wedding coordinator at our parish, please contact Martina Dumberger at (919) 847-8205 x 273. Your help as a volunteer in this unique ministry would be greatly appreciated!