“Whenever you are there for another person, a closeness is created. Person-to-person relationships have been scientifically proven to improve the physical, mental, and spiritual health of both people,” says Nancy Falanga, one of the ministry leaders for the Stephen Ministry at St. Francis. “However, it is never just the two in the relationship. The Holy Spirit is present, sending love and strength to both people. No matter whether the relationship is three months or two years, after spending an hour with another person, focusing all your attention on them, and being open to them, you walk away differently than when you went in.” Stephen Ministries is an independent, not-for-profit Christian educational organization founded in 1975 in St. Louis. Its main activity is the training of Stephen Leaders who then train others in their congregation to be Stephen Ministers, capable of accompanying those who are facing some crisis in life. St. Francis’ Stephen Ministry is part of a worldwide caregiving network, offering empathetic listening, unconditional positive regard, and other resources and referrals as needed.
Shirley Booth recently joined the Stephen Ministry at St. Francis. When asked why she chose the Stephen Ministry, she said, “Well, my good friend, Joanne, was telling me about it, and I just thought I needed to do another mission or do something with my life. I’ve always thought of myself as a good listener, but I didn’t realize how good it would be for me to learn to be even a better listener.” She feels she benefited a lot from the training for the ministry, “I was always a fixer-upper, trying to fix everything. With Stephen Ministry, you learn to be quiet and just to listen and to be present in the moment; it’s calmed me down in my life from being so ‘hyper’ to just really being in the moment with a certain person.”
“The Stephen Ministry’s impact is as strong as ever,” says Nancy. “The world right now is ‘a lot’ for us all. We are bombarded with negative news on our phones, TV, radio, and in print. Wars, politics, and prejudices of all kinds are more visible than ever. All of this causes the life stresses that seem overpowering and too much to handle. I believe the need for a one-on-one relationship with a non-judgmental listener is more important now than ever. People need to vent safely and privately, and Stephen Ministry can address that need.” The demand for Stephen Ministry has slowed recently. Nancy said a friend shared a possible reason: “I was recently told by someone the possible reason Stephen Ministry has slowed down is because there are so many giant problems everywhere, they feel their issues are too small to ask for help.” However she cautions, “no issue that causes worry and unhappiness, or a feeling of loss, is too small.”
While Shirley hasn’t counseled yet, she says she is ready, thanks to the comprehensive and enjoyable training. “Oh, it was 50 hours of classes, with two big books. It was just a wonderful training, wonderful.” She encourages people to take advantage of what is offered by these ministers, who are ready to listen. “People are a little reticent to talk about their issues with somebody who is, to be honest, a stranger, but I don’t think they know that there’s somebody out here who would just listen without judging, and just be someone who may listen to what you’re saying, commiserate, and be knowledgable about if there’s further help that may be needed that they could suggest. It’s just somebody there to listen with confidentiality. It’s not going to come back to be a shared story with anybody.” “I’m so excited about it,” she adds, “I’m sorry that people have problems where they need to have help; I think this world can be a rough world, and people need help.”
Camille is someone who has had the benefit of talking with a Stephen Minister. “I went through a divorce about five years ago, and I just knew I needed to talk to someone. So I looked around for some sort of support group. I found Divorce Care, which was fine. I went through that program twice, once at a Church in Cary and once at a Church in Raleigh. When I called St. Francis, because I’m Catholic, I think I spoke with Virginia, and she said, ‘Have you ever heard of Stephen Ministries? And I said no.’ She said ‘Why don’t you research it and then call me back if it’s something that you would be interested in?” So, I looked it up and found out it was something I would be interested in. My main concern, at the time, when I was going through all this, was that I didn’t want to have to pay for something expensive because my life was so upside down.”
“I found out from Virginia that Stephen Ministries was free,” said Camille, “and I was like, wow, that’s good. I just knew I needed to talk with people because I knew I couldn’t get through this on my own. My divorce was extreme, the way it happened, and it felt like someone had died. You know what I mean?” She knew she couldn’t do it alone and that she needed help. “I met with Bernie for the first time, and I think having Bernie in my life, with Stephen Ministries and the consistency, was priceless. Bernie was incredibly consistent, especially since my work schedule is so irregular, but she would adjust her schedule to accommodate mine. I can’t even put a price tag on the consistency of having someone listen and being able to cry to someone who didn’t even know me. When I look back at it through my journal and the other things I kept, it’s amazing. So, for something that I had no idea what Stephen Ministries was, I was so taken aback. I do think it’s a great organization and I definitely got a positive out of it.”
Lauren Varnhold’s mother was another who took advantage of Stephen Ministries. “When my dad died, my mom took advantage of the Stephen Ministry’s counseling to cope with what was a very sudden, unexpected loss that we had with my dad; my parents were members of St. Francis for many, many years before his passing.” Lauren felt Stephen Ministry was essential to her mother’s healing process, “To be able to have a third-party person who has similar faith values, and just helps in learning how to cope with such a sudden loss. Understanding that when someone passes who is so close to you, it’s almost like rebuilding your life, and having faith during those times is essential.”
“I think that the expectation for my mom going into this was just to have a sounding board and be able to chat with somebody who was obviously like a third party that she could trust and just kind of get her emotions and her feelings out,” says Lauren. “It provided that outlet for her, and I think her expectation was just to understand the grief process a little bit better; just kind of learning how to navigate that loss. Stephen Ministries played an integral part in her navigating that process.” Because of their faith, Stephen Ministry provided a strong personal link, adds Lauren, “I think with my parents having such a faith-based background, it provided a safe environment for her to discuss her deep feelings surrounding grief and loss from someone who shared the same faith-based mentality or perspective.”
Stephen ministers are lay ministers trained in active listening to walk with those dealing with stress, grief, life transitions, or other concerns. These well-trained volunteers offer confidential Christian care to those seeking prayerful and emotional support to cope with stress, grief, life transitions, or other problems. They offer empathetic listening, unconditional positive regard, and other resources and referrals as needed.
